Friday, January 26

Know the biggest problem with people these days? They take themselves too seriously. Take for example this individual whose idea of a perfect "bloke" is "Find a guy who calls you beautiful instead of hot (hot being generic and beauty lies in the.................) who calls you back when you hang up on him, who will lie under the stars and listen to your heartbeat (that's what you think), ....................Wait ..........who wants to show you off to the world when you are in sweats (and why not - women look hot exercising), .....................thinks you're just as pretty without makeup on (this is a good one).............................One who is constantly reminding you of how much he cares and how lucky he is to have you (more like he is trying to convince himself).. The one who turns to his friends and says,' that's her' (there is a good reason he is not introducing them!). " Now I am not the one to burst her bubble but darling wake up and smell the coffee!
Now a local rag sheet -or rather a tabloid part of the rag sheet has devoted a page to improving women's understanding of men - which is why it is unique and therefore deserving of our interest. Looks like thay ran short of advertisements (ranging from Kuttavilaku paintings to digicam+telescope offers (??). The first one is about stalking partners - they devote several paras to it and I say put on "Every Breath you take..." by police. If the counterparty likes the song - dump them, their taste in music is unlikely to improve. If you like the song, see your shrink before the boys in blue come calling.
The second one is about closure - which for men is 2 bottl.... - no use crying over spilt milk particularly when it has gone sour. Get up, dust yourself and.... give up reading Times of India (the said rag sheet)

The most interesting bit was about "How to let him know you are interested..." .. which begs the question - since when has this been a problem? First, they suggest, is lots of hints and clues .. really (?) whatever happened to playing hard to get and assorted other games?
Next - whisper in the ear. Presumably this is after several productive meetings ?? They go onto suggest that "women" must not stick close to other women because "men do not want to interrupt" and will not "mistook your intentions if you are with the crowd". Now that is just bad English. Also approaching several women together requires mass marketing skills which one may not be well endowed...
and here on it gets really good - "be nice to someone else when he comes up to you" .. er.. why not to the poor bloke - the unapparent object of current affection?

Bloke: Nice Party
babe: [to bartender] What lovely cocktails you make dear.
Bloke: [thinking] next...

Last but not the least - look-over-shoulder-and-smile routine guarantees surefire success in hooking man. However classy (and 1950's hollywood) this sounds, please avoid this particular manoeuvre while drinking (or driving) - both will result in unfortunate crashes involving large quantities of glass.

Frankly, the man (or woman) who's written this has lost the plot a bit ....... best way (a) to interest a guy is to thae interest in his interest. And (b) the best way to get a woman interested is to find the woman from (a).

Cheers all.. see you on the other side of "Blood Diamond"

Tuesday, January 16

Happy New Year! Well.. its a bit late for that but then I have been hibernating - cannot say the same for the Bears in the Western world where hydrocarbon guzzlers have ensured that these poor creatures have been denied their beauty winter sleep! However that discussion is for another site I plan to set up.
This year I have been feeling fairly benign and feeling a bit charitable towards my fellow human beings (mostly women). Alcohol is the joy of parties (and blind dates) - not only does it alleviate the pain brought about by an overbearing lout (who insists on dispensing advice on "teraflops" just when the sumptuous blond is beginning to look interested!), it is extremely useful in finding oneself some some extremely attractive companionship (break the ice, increased tolerance of all kinds, and most importantly the beer bus). To qualify alcohol as a necessary evil is an understatement - it is the nectar of the ... well... most evenings. However, such strategies are fraught with untold perils (for those who havent been following this chain of though.. click here) - not only can it lead to ackward moments (recoil with horror the next morning having bedded ET - blame beer goggles ), it can lead to the second-biggest bane of the drinking classes - a hangover (Work being the ultimate curse of the drinking classes). How dose one prevent / cure a hangover? Well here are a few useful tips:
  1. Dont drink (ha ha ha ha ha...)
  2. Dont drink yourself silly (ROTFL - where is the pont in drinking responsibly! There is a good reason why a Booze company has that as a logo!!)
  3. Drink a liter of water when you get home (Precludes when taking the Beer Cab)
  4. Drink a liter of water after you get up (Precludes having taken the Beer Cab)
  5. As suggested by a lunatic health reporter ... exercise, ostensibly to increase blood flow to the brain. Balancing while walking, running, pumping iron (or most likely stumbling) is optional!
  6. Sleep it off - preferably after getting rid of ET
  7. Coffee - avoidable, it will give you more acidity and deprive you of sleep, antacids will reduce acidity but do nothing about the headache, asprin will cure the headache but do nothing (at best) about the acidity... possible solution: all of the ......
  8. Food! Preferably raw greens and fruit - cut into 1 cm cubes, sprinkled with "Chaat Masala" and red chilly powder (Hit your local "Indian" corner shop - easily available and great with or after booze).
  9. Drink dilute sports drinks (read: not drinking as a sport)!
  10. Official (Government) recommendation is Bullion soup to replace "lost potassium". The same site also states "....even if you feel good the morning after heavy drinking, your ability to perform at your best will be diminished due to the residual effects of alcohol". Really..and here I was considering a double trapeeze act early sunday morning.
Moral of the story: keep a bottle of water handy by the bedside (preferably replinished every few days - the green stuff cannot be good for you); Drinking is unavoidable (why you would want to avoid it is another story); and dont believe the government when it comes to drinking (or anything else for that matter!).

Cheers all! I am off for my evening tipple...