SOS, Your Place (or mine) and a wireless keyboard....

So the computer Bug strikes again! I already have repertoire of 4 machines... one is an 8 year old assembled box and the others are all Dell. Most people dont like dell - but I buy them for their service and response - hassle free. With due respect to George Orwell, all machines are born equal but some are more equal than the others. So here is how it went down - a friend had a requirement for a PC. The last one had died after one attempted to resuscitate a 5 year old Viao with minor improvements such as Skype and complex activities such as "Defrag". Hence one was duty bound to assist the said de-pc'd individual get their virtual life in order. Personal interest was hopefully their 'communication" would improve. This one has a basic issue with eye contact you see ;-)
So the first step was to talk to Dell or rather their website java which has an Orwellian personality. The "Machine" insists on a few things - such as getting one of their blokes to unpack the box and connect the wires ..for the princely sum of $20. As far as hourly rates (=$80/hr) go - this one is the best ROI!! So anyway, after much research on mundane things like Second life (did I mention "virtual" earlier?) the configuration was decided i.e.

1. Small hard Drive - another one to be added later or keep an external one
2. 19"Flat Panel - must do for graphics / Gaming / TV!
3. Wireless key board and mouse (but of course if one wants to surf from the Bed ;-))
4. The innards were a bit more interesting - a C2D Proc. running at 2.6 Ghz. Should do the trick
5. A 256MB ATI radeon 2400 something - this is good. In addition to the TV tuner card (TV input into the comp), there is a TV out card as well! So now the Second Life / Torrent / DVD / Digital Media can all be streamed to the TV!!
6. Sound is not an issue either - A525 Speakers with the sub woofer are cool! and if you need more juice - just drag a cable to your existing sound machine!!
7. With other assorted features (8 USB ports etc etc), the thing has a rather sleek design - the size of a vertical coffee table book.

So what else is needed (other than the usual stablised power supply, wifi etc).. hmm lets see.. a Game Controller? Halo// and yes Lots of Music! Several Movies! Remote IP Web cam! Music/Media Bridge!

And yes ..a bed. for one it is pointless having a wireless key board unless one has a bed. A large room would do as well but then one would also need a 30 inch monitor which kind of turns the whole thing into a tech monster.

Now with the bed what could one do? Ha ha.. really... what does one do in a bed - Sleep, and shag!! One could also read but then that wouldn't require a wireless key board. During the said nocturnal activit(ies), you could play instructional videos and get the moves just right, cut to appropriate music in the interludes... starting with Mozart .. capping off with Beethoven for afters ;-). and if you are slightly deficient in the imagination department, SOS a friend for help.. Over Google Talk!

Conversation:
[background Music Mozart]
Clueless: Help! Help! Help!!!!!!
Good Friend (not getting any action): WTF! Weren't you busy tonight???
clueless: Yes exactly! W.T.F. do I do next!??@?#?$?$
Good Friend: Grab!
Clueless:what? GRAB WHAT?!?
Good friend: everything ;-)
[Crash bang (pun) other assorted sounds as the grabbing results in limbs mixing with power cords]

Cut to after
[Background Beethoven - power restored]
Said Date: Baby, that was positively electric!
not-so-clueless: [thinking with a satisfied grin] That wireless keyboard was a good investment :-)

Happy Weekend!
Enjoy!

Why do women get plastered at fancy dress parties?

Really..what a question. Another friend turned XX and had a party. Expectedly got plastered and I am dead certain that she was not in any fancy dress (the dress may have been fancy...must ask). So, among the legions of other ignoble research, this one probably takes the cake... for ingenuity. let me paint the picture: there is a professor who has a Null hypothesis: Is there is a rare situation where women will sink in more alcohol than men? The answer to that one is yes (guys please note) - fancy dress parties! Particularly those with sexual themes!
Why is this chief a genius? The madness lies in the method - to conduct this particular study, the man, Dr J Clapp, lead author of the researchers' report in Alcoholism: Clinical and Experimental Research, breathalysed 1,304 people who'd enjoyed 66 student parties in southern California. And the beauty of the method - note the operative words "at the parties". so,"at the parties" Clapp and cohort found that alcohol consumption at such fancy dress parties was 50% higher. To the mathematically challenged, they polished off 12 pints insted of the regular 8!!
As per analysis from El Reg, Dr Clapp admitted that "as his team was unable to explain the surprise finding it would be necessary to carry out further field work", concluding: "Given that some theme parties can be highly sexualised, future investigation of the mechanisms that may explain this effect is warranted."

To sum, go look for sexually themed parties, ply the chicks with alcohol, then figure out how drunk they are?? On a University Grant?

Where can I sign up!!!

6 Point on the license and you are 3 points down...!!!!!

There is only one cure for grey hair. It was invented by a Frenchman. It is called the guillotine. - P G Wodehouse
So another one bites the dust - a friend turned XX......literally, aged and then fell over. While the physical aspects of their ageing is a good thing - sort of the same effect that is observed when one switches from |Bolivian Marching Powder to C. sativa subsp. sativa var. spontanea.

1. This allows one to keep up with the former live wires and still make profound statements at the end "Are you done? Already....?";
2. most people seem to loose their sense of humour (which I suppose is better than loosing all sense).
3. Now these fun lads and lasses (more the lasses than the lads) slowly, but steadily, mostly under the influence of mind altering stuff like Yoga, degenerate into self absorbed humourless people! However, the alcohol imbibing variety seem to recover somewhat after the 4th (this is another variation of ageing - alcohol free health nuts, with a dancing mania) so are slightly more tolerable.

However we digress. I am here to comment on "Daru ke Side Effects".

1. The first bit is energy. Alcohol is an energy drink. There are other assorted pills (blue or otherwise) which have the same effect but we are talking about good old C₂H₅......OH! Alcohol, once imbibed (usually leads to more imbibing), leads to carelessness. This leads to dancing, till wee hours, and thereafter an afternoon of nursing sore limbs (it gets worse in girls as said dancing is usually carried out in heels size of which is inversely proportional to the said female's height - something to do with centre of gravity thing I am told; the higher you go the harder you fall ).
2. The other effect is the Beer Bus! I would elaborate here the pitfalls of said bus effect - however one Travis's sister has elaborated on the same, rather eloquently I might add.. This also applies to the biggest question of them all "Why didn't he call" ;-)
   
3. Slammer: This is largely applicable to the fair city formerly known as Bombay. Alcohol + Driving will get you minimum 30 days in the slammer. So far some 2.5 denizens have been welcome guests at the government's finest accommodations at Arthur Road Jail. Those that got away are.. well.. mostly dead.
4. Choice makes a difference. A Vodka or A Whiskey helps. A beer on the other hand is a strict No No! Please note the emphasis on the article "A". It is in caps. This is also called chemically enhanced experience without "side" effects.
5. Excessive consumption is a good thing. After the 6th (usually with a lot of variety), you brain the pavement. Said pavement being in general disagreement with the said braining proceeds to protest. This protest results in said brains being a tad worse for the wear. This is good for your immediate gene pool.
6. Philosophy (and in extreme cases, Calculus). One spouts philosophy (even poetry in some cases - but then its usually in the abstract hence gibberish). One even has an eloquent self which emerges after the 3rd. However this usually a rant/rave about the other sex. More on said rant here.
   

So folks, the new year is here and we must get down to earth. May be a detour to the local wouldn't be such a bad idea ;-)

Cheers!