Romancing the Credit Crunch

I do not wish to romance the credit crunch but what I refer to is romancing during the credit crunch and several advantages therein. So lets take our hypothetical individual who is single in the thirties (the folks in their twenties aren't really relevant), and is en route to romantic bliss. Unknown to said individual, the US Congress votes against a $700 billion bailout (read public fund profligacy) and the credit crisis, recession, financial bloodbath becomes more apparent…. And lo and behold, there is another reason to loose sleep. So SI (Said Individual / Semi Intelligent at this point) starts to fret – look after the job, look after movies, dinners, dancing, scrabble, and so forth. I say fear not – you would still be doing all of those whether or not there was a crunch!

During a credit crunch, there are advantages – no work. Or mostly no expectations from work both for yourself as well as your employers. You get to keep regular hours in your home time zone – get out in the evenings.

In addition you have saved time. How? Lets see:

1. You cant browse job sites looking for a BBD (bugger the better deal) – there are no jobs out there. If your HR finds out they will replace you with a younger, better looking (the cute number the XXX Manager has the hots for), at ½ pay! Time saved 3 hours
2. General Web Surfing is down to 1 hour a day. This is mostly because news is repeated and yesterdays news (bank crashed), is today's news (bank crashed) is tomorrow's news (oh dear!). Time saved 3 Hours!
3. You cant faff – while at work you need to look busy. This involves rushing about the office with a clip board. Ruffled hair included. Rushing shaves off 2 hrs spent travelling between different desks trying to plug into the office grape vine.
4. Lunch - 10 minutes. See above looking busy. Also credit crunch involves the office caterer increasing the price of food (currently running at YoY inflation of about 80%) AND reducing the portions not to mention cheaper ingredients (the food begins to resemble and smell like my car's engine – I dont have a car but if I did have one it would smell quite close to the cafeteria food). You will however have the customary plate of boiled rice (to demonstrate austerity while enjoying pork chops, pepper salami and some beer on the side). This takes 10 minutes while saving you an hour.
5. You need to leave early – out of sight is also out of mind. HR systems are useless, performance pay doesn't matter hence if the target is missing, the target is missed. Ideally leave exactly 7.5 hours (in case the access cards work). Time saved - unlimited.

Time Saved – 9+hours

So (this might be news to some of my fellow bankers), there is a daily reset on time i.e. all that time you have saved (9+x hrs) needs to be used or else it lapses and, lo and behold, another day begins!!

So… the consumption of time:

1. 1. Travel to girlfriend’s = 1.5 hours. This involves searching for transport, taking one, getting stuck in 2 traffic jams and recovery from the travel. This is Bombay and your mode of travel is immaterial.
2. 2½ hour to express oneself – this is important for self and counterparty even if you have mentioned it several times during the day. Include 10 minutes of awkward silence etc.
3. 3. One hour to walk to evening's destination including more of point 2.
4. 4. 3 Hours (minimum) at said destination to do more of 2 – somehow this will not sound repetitive. After a few drinks knees will feel weak ... from lack of food - see earlier point 4 – might be a good idea to eat at this point.
5. 5. One more hour to walk to destination 2 - this is coffee and conversations (or a lot can happen over a cup of coffee depending on the brew outlet self and womanly predisposition).
6. 6. One Hour at said coffee joint (SCJ).
7. 7. ½ hour to walk XX to said XX's destination – include more point 2.
8. 8. 45 minutes to get back – with said XX if possible.
9. 9. 45 minutes to fondly reflect on the evening, punctuated by messages exchanged with said XX.

Time Used: 10 hrs!

Congratulations –by now you have extended your day by an Hour! Made up by leaving office early!! So find an XX and enjoy the credit crunch!

Cheers!!