Dear Readership,
I am back with even more disagreeable stuff which will mostly be intelligible...partly due to your stupidity and partly due to mine. However, we are all in the same boat this week so let me start by dishing out some second hand advice... this one would be useful to several of you and I shall just provide the link here...please to be browsing:
1.How to undress for sex
2. Sex Shockers: Everything you know about sex is only a first step. Most advice for couples doesn't go far enough—as a result, basic truths about long-term passion are surprising.
3. How to Have Great Sex: Ten keys to great lovemaking, including the having right attitude, communicating and loving your body.
Now that you have finished reading this at work (and your network admin's web security is smoking by now) you might find the next bit particularly useful.....
the following are Richard Moran’s Career Success rules (you find these in almost every office) and my added two bit.
- Business is made up of ambiguous victories and nebulous defeats. Claim them all as victories: Example: We didn’t lose this contract, it was just an expensive lesson in choosing the right strip joint to entertain the client at....
- Keep track of what you do; someone is sure to ask. Also helps create an alibi in case there is a security breach. Also helps create alibi’s where there are none (particularly useful when the most interesting movie has tickets available for the 1400 hrs show)
- Be comfortable around senior managers, or learn to fake it. Basically walk into their chamber and say “Gotta brewski dude?”
- Never bring your boss a problem without some solution. Unless you are the problem. In which case become invisible till the boss can find someone else to blame!
- You are getting paid to think, not to whine. Unless its for a raise..in that case it becomes a chicken and egg story where you whine, get paid, stop wining till the next time….
- Long hours don’t mean anything; results count, not effort. Also no pay is worth the girlfriend’s ire…
- Write down ideas; they get lost, like good pens. Also helps you keep in touch with the written word minus spell check.
- Always arrive at work 30 minutes before your boss. … and leave 10 minutes after s/he does (this will also help with 6)
- Help other people network for jobs. You never know when your turn will come. Also it will reduce competition. The same rule applies to personal life – the best way to remove competing males is to help them find girlfriends alternatively convince them they are gay – this will remove competition …in pairs!
- Don’t take days off sick—unless you are. Sick includes “Sick of Boss” “Sick of Work” Sick of own whining”
- Assume no one can/will keep a secret. (You can use this for your advantage too – start a rumour about the company and cause panic – this will ensure swift promotion/raise.)
- Know when you do your best—morning, night, under pressure, relaxed; schedule and prioritize your work accordingly. This refers to work and not S_X. In case of latter, try to have less variation in performance.
- Treat everyone who works in the organization with respect and dignity, whether it be the cleaner or the managing director. Don’t ever be patronizing. Be sarcastic instead. This will make people avoid you and result in less work. Also their low self esteem (because of your caustic comments) may be beneficial.
- Never appear stressed in front of a client, a customer or your boss. Take a deep breath and ask yourself: In the course of human events, how important is this? (Its kind of a toughie, if u r really stressed out, ofcourse u should never do that before customer). Instead, appear stressed at home – this will help ward off the girlfriend’s ire at having forgotten the …1. _____ 2________3.________4_______
- If you get the entrepreneurial urge, visit someone who has his own business. It may cure you. Better still, encourage colleagues to become self-employed. This will also help with the promotion/raise.
- Acknowledging someone else’s contribution will repay you doubly. But Always claim responsibility in private with the boss!
- Career planning is an oxymoron. The most exciting opportunities tend to be unplanned……...as are most disasters. Reputation is a carefully built pyramid – pay attention to what the others are saying. The proceed to malign them.
- Always choose to do what you’ll remember ten years from now. The only think I can think of is sex..but then that’s the only thing I can thin k of anyway….
- The size of your office is not as important as the size of your pay cheque. Eventually size does matter…
- Understand what finished work looks like and deliver your work only when it is finished. ..but take your time. It SHOWS you have put in a lot of effort ;-)
- The person who spends all of his or her time is not hard-working; he or she is boring. Always try different stuff..break the monotony….step out of your comfort zone… kinky sex IS better …..
- Know how to write business letters—including thank-you notes as well as proposals. Articulation is the key to communication …otherwise one has to use sign language where chances of “lost in translation” are really high!
- Never confuse a memo with reality. Most memos from the top are political fantasy. At the same time a note from the significant other is NEVER to be ignored….there are at least 3 lines in between the lines!
- Eliminate guilt. Don’t fiddle expenses, taxes or benefits, and don’t cheat colleagues (or the current). You will be screwed over and not in a nice way….
- Reorganizations mean that someone will lose his or her job. Get on the committee that will make the recommendations…..
- Job security does not exist…. …
- Always have an answer to the question, “What would I do if I lost my job tomorrow?” Move to
- Go to the company Christmas party….
- Don’t get drunk at the company Christmas party…… make sure the Boss gets drunk first..at the very least yo will know what She thinks of you!
- Avoid working at weekends. Work longer during the week if you have to…. Preferably don’t work at all…
- The most successful people in business are interesting…...its in the confidence..its also amazing how much you can get away with if you are confident.
- Sometimes you’ll be on a winning streak and everything will click; take maximum advantage. When the opposite is true, hold steady and wait it out….
- Never in your life say, “It’s not my job.” ….sometimes its good to let the other person get in the (driver’s) seat.
- Be loyal to your career, your interests and yourself. Being loyal to the counterpart may help your bank balances at a future date too ;-)
- Understand the skills and abilities that set you apart. Use them whenever you have an opportunity. (So important, don't be afriad of giving out your ideas and opinions, even if they are negative).. Also constructive Criticism is over rated…
- People remember the end of the project. As they say in boxing, “Always finish stronger than you start.” Also finish when you are supposed to….. not late and ..certainly not early… after all, in certain things in life…..speed is not everything!
