As it happens that there are several of us who may be "romantically challenged" and the concept of "Romance" being rather nebulous, shall continue to be challenged... Let us delve deeper into this concept of romance, which the internet informs us is, among other things
- a novel or other prose narrative depicting heroic or marvellous deeds, pageantry, romantic exploits, etc.., usually in a historical or imaginary setting.
- the colorful world, life, or conditions depicted in such tales.
- a medieval narrative, originally one in verse and in some Romance dialect, treating of heroic, fantastic, or supernatural events, often in the form of allegory.
- a baseless, made-up story, usually full of exaggeration or fanciful invention.
- a romantic spirit, sentiment, emotion, or desire.
- romantic character or quality.
- a romantic affair or experience; a love affair.
i go for number 2 and 4. However, this world view differers between the counterparties, who, for purposes of political correctness and un-anachronistic relevance, we shall refer to as yin and yang.
Now, there are some places where "romance" CANNOT POSSIBLY FLOURISH - namely a sports bar, Bombay promenards (unless one is gay which is apparently acceptable to the Bombay Police - otherwise be ready to cough up a Rs.1200 / £15 fine plus a record for "indecency", read holding hands or worse, kissing!) and Bangalore roads.
Bangalore roads are uniquely unsuitable for a quite drive as a) it requires ones undivided attention given that most (if not all) drivers assume that traffic rules were a joke conjured up by some Minister (political variety), after the 6th pint (This could be true if one were to look at local traffic planning - which among other things, includes a traffic signal on top of a flyover). Paying attention to the cute co-passenger (Object of affection, love interest, hot chick etc.) risks grevious injury - day or night.
The second issue is the noise - largely attributable to honking and 30 year old Autorickshaws.
Conversation:
Shall I compare thee to a HONK HONK?
Thou art more Grrrrrr and more {"%^&*(($££££}:
Rough winds do shake the darling buds of {screeeeeech},
And [crunch] all too short {sound of truck connecting with bike, bloke and car}:
Sometime too hot {replace with expletives in Tamil, Hindi, Kannada, Swedish and German},
And often [cough cough - starting symptioms of monoxide poisoning] dimm'd;
And every fair from fair sometime declines,
By chance or nature's changing course untrimm'd;
But thy eternal summer shall not fade
....................................rest lost in the pneumatic drill going off next to your ear - or the autorickshaw which sounds the same.
Please note that the above sonnet(18), while great for shakespeare and certain sections of Oxbridge literary fraternity, mentions eternal summers. Mention of eternal summers in the above scenario, particularly when the automobile air conditioning has collapsed, is unlikely to endear onself to said object of affection ...in India.
Which brings us to the "do's" - a) goto a few city night spots where conversation is possible (this can possibly lead to other interesting experiences) - enroute blast the a/c along with some death metal or whatever takes your co-pass.'s particular fancy (Pavlov's conditioned reflexes etc.. if you must be cerebral about romance). Ditto on return trip.
b) build a kit. For this one must know the difference between lavender (there are several associations with this) and purple, a hat box (fairly challenging unless one is associated with Houdini or P C Sorcar Senior) and other acoturements (refer link). Stay at home and open box with the flourish of Sorcar / Houdini (minus a few accompanied expressions which are guaranteed to creep out the counter party), with some smooth jazz / Bollywoods worst (and you still want the date???) one is ready to roll. Decent wine, smelly candles (not incense sticks - we want to please not gas), and low lighting cannot hurt. Also sitting down Japanese style is better as opposed to the conventional two chair affair (aka Tom Hanks+ CZJ in The terminal - the result of that encounter wasn't very desirable either). The moon is desireable but is a bit of a wild card hence not a part of the said kit.
That, ma Cherie / mon ami, is romancing for the stoned or the young (mental capacities being the same). If you need this advice you are doomed anyway - an Art of Liv. course is highly recommended for you to screw you up further so that you are not a danger to yourself, the stalkee (erstwhile object of affection) and the public at large. In self interest suggest turning asexual / retiring to Kullu/manali where the worlds potheads congregate for an apparently free run of the worlds supposedly finest organic substance (abuse). That will make you happier or dead or both.
Bootnote:Said drivel does not apply to women of indeterminate age.
technorati tags:bangalore, romance, date, drive, kit, jazz
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