Wake up (at some point during the day) and feel that that world has completely lost it... the point was driven home by a friend who has opted out of motherhood citing current state of the world (environment, Virginia Tech etc) and that no one seems to give a damn. Bit harsh I would say but then the proof of the pudding is in the eating so i decided to scour the local rag sheet(s) for evidence of stagnant intelligence and increasing population (therefore declining per capita intelligence).
Before I dive into the said rag sheet(s), I must point out that my breakfast reading was The Hindu (Which is a misnomer - this is a left wing newspaper) till they started developing a hard core male bias. That I could tolerate just to get the local flavour but bad news, bad ideas and bad English was a bit much hence shifted to the Times of India which is low involvement and, as I discovered, caters largely to the burger toting youth. However, the lack of editorial talent is the source of much merriment and they do stock updated news on the happenings in the city (read Sale in malls and Movie changes) so it stays, for the time being.
The first thing which caught my eye was the pg 4ish health advice "Who says you need sleep"! Really?? you don't? so not just man, apparently all fauna which slumps into this semi-comatosed state on a regular basis, have been wasting their time for, say, a few billion years! So by that logic, evolution is about a billion plus years behind.. Quoting the honourable Daniel F Ripke PhD, they suggest its safe to sleep 5 hrs daily. Naturally the National Sleep foundation challenged the results to which the editor must have replied - "Lazy Bastards" or some such unprintables.
Such information is possibly of academic interest but the gem comes from yesterday's sheet - how best to clean piano keys! Now this being India and extrapolating 5in a million people own pianos, exactly why is this topic there at all?? Ran out of issues / ideas? and to add insult to i jury, this technically complex article advises - don't use furniture polish on piano keys, use a feather duster and wipe moisture with dry cloth.. I think this reporter has been around furniture polish too long!
Turning a page and we have "personal advice" - which loosely refers to M4W kind of advice.
Pointers for calling up your date
They insist on short conversations just to convey to the other person that one leads a full and fulfilling life (however pathetic it might be). I agree and unless one own some telecoms stock, no point in making the bloody pirates any ticher. Also telling the babe / bloke / assorted canine "Lets Meet 8 Pm Blood Diamond" would qualify one to a telegraph operators job, not a date.
He who has the last laugh... this is rich. The suggestion is that you part with a smile and a funny story / joke which is well thought out. Even if you have no storytelling talent whatsoever?? Ever heard of a simple bye, compliment or "speak soon" ? Trust me, it works wonders - be refreshing for a change instead of launching into "Hey, heard the one about the two Irishmen who went to........"
Last but not the least, one is advised to not chit-chat, but to have a purpose to the call.. .. presumably one must meet every wackjob that comes ones way from Myspace / Orkut / demented friends?? Chitchat IS the way to figure out (to an extent) the counterparty's safety rating!
This, however begs the question, if s/he is your date, exactly why would you need to go through all this while calling them up? As the concept of virtual dating hasnt quite caught on (with due respect to Lady Chatterjee), the date is a date when the date has agreed to date - the word "date" in "dating" should be a hint .. apparently not to ToI.
Paying her a compliment
Pay "her" a compliment indirectly i.e. compliment her ear rings/belt instead of her body or general demeanor (i.e. Babe you are looking ravishing as usual). Right - please stop at that and DO NOT get into discussions about things feminine such as face paint, or colours . .this will get you into serious trouble as a) lets face it, as men we are fairly clueless about these matters and best stick to time tested ways and b) attention to that much detail will make you her friend (as in a girlfriend) with scope for doubts about your preferences. This could have fringe benefits but that discussion is for another day.....
and last but not the least..
Playing hard to get
This article is rubbish, the way I see it, first look at your strengths (and dude, if you think that refers to 100lbs bench presses, you are screwed - metaphorically only). Playing hard to get is a 2way street, keeps things interesting and there is the Freudian thrill of the chase (if one has the time). However, beware of the ADHD (Attention deficit Hyperactivity Disorder - usually associated with men) playing too hard to get can backfire....
The very same page also has profile of The Good Wife who says happiness shouldn't be skin deep..and goes on to list among her favourite things:
- Car - Lexus RX SUV (yes the thing churns out 270 bhp and guzzles 7 kms per liter..under test conditions in the US), lovely - plus dropping the pups to school should be a breeze, cant say the same for other's pups at the said school who just happen to disappear below the bonnet-obstructed-field-of-vision while crossing....
- Favourite Destination: Rajasthan and Italy, she loves Venice and presumably all of rajasthan (either that or her Geog. teacher must have been really glad to be rid of her).
Qualities of a good wife indeed.......
But, there is such a thing as natural justice..as the aforesaid seal cullers found out... perhaps there might come a time when the Times of India reporters might have to swallow their own advice and The Good Wife might have to use one of her own cars......
technorati tags:society, dating, date, girlfriend, advice, lexus, carbonfootprint
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