RSI

All you lovely RSI (and PC) afflicted people… this is a great resource to see how screwed up your sitting posture is…

http://www.ergotron.com/tabid/305/language/en-US/default.aspx

wrist in peace

Z

corrections, retractions, clarifications

Re: the recent post regarding communication (or lack thereof).. with regards to hints for women the following link must be used instead:

rough guide to...

And for evaluation purposed....

What You Are Really Doing ........

...while I go research the Alternative Hypothesis

And as a bonus, from the Shazia Mirza Weekly column.....

I have decided to have my garden done. My friend Christine recommended a man called Bob, who comes over

to do odd jobs such as turning my mattress, hanging up mirrors and cleaning my taps. Bob has been round three times now and I suspect he likes either me or my house. I don’t know anything about men. A man could rip my clothes off and sit on my face and I’d think – why’s he doing that? Bob is actually quite pleasant. I feel safe despite the large skull-and-crossbones tattoo across his neck.

Recently he's started to call me with meaningless stories about garden brochures and his van's MOT. It's not so much the brochures and the van that worry me, but the lingering looks he gives me when I walk downstairs in my fleece jogging bottoms and 10am shadow. I'm thinking I should dress like this more often.

I wish I could read the signals people send when they like each other. My antennae

are dormant. When I like someone, I just stare at them, follow them home and sit in my car looking up at their window all night.

Bob was round last week and my alarm clock went off. My parents bought me this clock from Bahrain. The alarm sound is the Muslim prayer call. As it went off he looked frightened and disturbed and asked where I'd got it from. I said, "Argos." He quickly gathered his tools and said, "I've got to be off now."

I haven't heard from Bob since. I think he's gone off to redefine the peace process in the Middle East.

The rest can be found here.. http://www.newstatesman.com/columns/shazias-week



Have a nice weekend you all (yes all you three...)

Cheers

WOMEN VS. MEN

WOMEN VS. MEN, originally uploaded by phelanparker.

One word - touché !

and in Machine Language....

The funny linux commands and their answers as per Linux

This should get the Geeky lot of you smiling ... and some others ;-) Reminds me of Eliza and the "Chatbot" game over at the Beeb, based on Hithikers Guide to the Galaxy.

Thanks to FrankMash for the work....Enjoy!

% cat "food in cans"

cat: can't open food in cans

% nice man woman
No manual entry for woman.

% "How would you rate Quayle's incompetence?
Unmatched ".

% Unmatched ".
Unmatched ".

% [Where is Jimmy Hoffa?
Missing ].

% ^How did the sex change operation go?^
Modifier failed.

% If I had a ( for every $ the Congress spent, what would I have?
Too many ('s.

% make love
Make: Don't know how to make love. Stop.

% sleep with me
bad character

% got a light?
No match.

% man: why did you get a divorce?
man:: Too many arguments.

% !:say, what is saccharine?
Bad substitute.

% %blow
%blow: No such job.

% \(-
(-: Command not found.

$ PATH=pretending! /usr/ucb/which sense
no sense in pretending!

$ drink matter
matter: cannot create

To be or not to be.... that is the question

That title has nothing to do with my post. i am simply idle at the moment waiting for news to come in from various quarters....Things to meet, people to do, decisions to make-do ;-)

Rather than twiddle my thumbs (which in Internet parlance would translate to surfing random sites), I made a good start to my professional blog - an no, if you dont already have that link, I am not providing one to you. However, that was a good start to the week. The weekend wasnt that bad either - the city (water) logged out - 5 hr traffic jams etc. ..well it wasnt entirely good either as others traffic woes put paid to my own plans so Friday was restricted to drinks and dinner. On the whole this wasnt too bad as the service was great as was the food - and, wonder of wonders, place was largely empty.
So saturday started well, rather late. Having lounged about during the day conjuring up schemes to do in a few people who happened to have pissed me off (and to find ways of making up to people I happen to have pissed off - in an ideal mathematical world this scenario would require no action - pissed off would neutralise the boors), the evening started to look up. Finally one ended up at an open air lounge with an unusual bunch of people - Pilots, Stewardesses, School Teachers, assorted travel pros, and, this being Bangalore, a few geeks. As the crowd warmed up to the company, the next table started to show singsof life - mostly in the form of 5 young things - fairly tipsy - in identical little-black-numbers. Soon they were joined by one other bloke who then proceeded (unwisely) to ply the object of his affection, with several large vodka tonics (or some such colourless beverage). This left 4 other fillies to, well fill time, and subsequently pile onto these two - resulting in a bit of a melee with a mishmash of disarrayed clothes.
In most circumstances this would have been mildly interesting - if accompanied by a pass from of of that lot (either they were pretty or one had a beer too many) - what made it hilarious was the reaction of the table:
Pilots +Brother -> Bad bad move, the guy aint getting any tonight. In 10 minutes the babe is going to throw up on him then he is going to drop them all home.
Stewardess -> These kids! But then Bombay isnt much better, just teenagers floating around. What a waste of time. The music sucks (this was true).
School Teachers (4 Nos. - and just to be clear, not much older than the drunken lot) -> what is the world coming true. Parents are responsible for this mess . Cant bear to watch this ..[Exit School Teacher 1 - unaccompanied]
Geeks - [reacting to being told that tall filly was eyeing him] - not my type [stoic]

Note: This entire bunch was Bawa with yours truly being the only non-bawa though the travel babe did mistake self for the Pilot's Brother's twin!

However, the entertainment was brought to a swift conclusion by a whistle wielding cop who proceeded to chase the entire crowd out, leading to further hilarity on the (rather busy) road (read tipsy women in very short dresses, supporting (or trying to) each other and trying to cross a rather busy road).

Now I had assumed that one was privy to this entertaining episode - however, as one surfaced for the Hash Sunday evening, was greeted by a "Hey, saw you last night" - which sent one into a flurry of excuses like - it wasnt me, I didnt do anything, till it dawned that in public one was rather well behaved. So M.Shetty and M.Menkka then reconfirmed the 5 dress episode, delicately filling me in on the said quintets performance, when out of sight. The pilots were right and the teacher's need'nt have worried.

The hash itself was rather successful - it rained and wiped out the trail resulting in a shortened run (some 11.5 k or thereabouts) but the scenery was astounding. Water stop included pineapple liberally spiked with Smirnoffs finest! This was a farewell as well, there was an excellent circle - people and their dogs were iced for offences real and imagined - and one individual for taking an imaginary bus for the last 1/2 mile. Kingfisher Draught (in 500ml cans) is better than their regular stuff. After a quick change, the party and dinner happened which basically lead (with a side discussion on the demerits of fit women ;-))to more parties in the coming weeks, particularly as there were several people who aren't a part of the contingent off to SL SAIH

Having been designated the unofficial planner for the festivities, I am off to plan said dancing and drinking.

On an unrelated note, I finally have the quorum (double digit strong) to do away with texting. When one individual from the other camp was asked as to why they text, reply: Because I dont want to have a conversation! The defence rests.

Cheers!


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Now playing: Eagles - Hotel California
via FoxyTunes

Dont Work, Have Sex, Urges Governor

DNA - World - 'Marry an Indian to save Russia' - Daily News & Analysis

don't Work, Have Sex Urges Governor

These are the headlines from DNA.. a budding tabloid from worlds 2nd most populous country and both point to the-nation-that-built-the-father-of-all-bombs. Evidently the population (and the demographics) are equally bombed leading to a bit of rejoicing in this part of the world.....read on for explanation. This rant has two parts.. part one is synopsis-commentary.

"Indian men promise to be the ideal spouses for Russian women. Russian men are prone to high death rate owing largely to unhealthy lifestyles."

Now this would imply that Ruskies live it up while Indians lead "healthy lifestyles" which would further imply - will live long (and boring lives) and you cannot change them without an expensive divorce when you get bored. Incidentally, the researcher in question thinks that

“The import of eligible bachelors from India is my big geopolitical idea,”

Yoohoo! Mail order brides from Thailand ..suck on this!!!! It gets better.. she states that this is the only salvation for the catastrophic demographic problem facing Russia (they have far too many hot women - please send some over...puhleeeze!) in a book titled "A Taste of India". Welcome to the 21st Century.

And the reason for such astonishing "compatibility" (other than the fact that the Russians are hot - check out any tennis tournament to verify - Sharapova is Russian) is , yes believe it or not, Language. "............many similarities between Sanskrit and modern Russian vocabularies". Right, only problem is finding Sanskrit speaking Indian men.

"Arbatova’s book was on the bestseller list in summer. Britain’s International Biographical Centre of Cambridge has awarded her its 20th Century Outstanding Achievement gold medal". Rejoice you club of 69 (or worse if you are in Haryana / Punjab/Gujjuland).. salvation is migration!

On a related note, (from some place called ULYANOVSK) : The governor urges couples to skip work and make love instead....!!!!. We have elections coming up.. this dude would hands down agains any opponent... notwithstanding the language issue (which is apparently not a problem - see above) - He is even awarding a free house to anyone producing a brat exactly nine months down the line!!!! Local post office is chipping in by offering free postage for people to write love letters... exactly how that's going to help the governer's campaign is anyones guess.

So, we have a population problem in Russia i.e. more women than men. We have a reverse problem in India. Cooperation is nothing new for Indo-Russian relations, we have co produced the Brahmos and are enroute to produce more. Perfect Solution: Send Sanskrit speaking lot over to Russia - I even have a list: Praveen Togadia, M M Joshi, Ahsok Singhal, Narendra Modi....... we will even pay industrial quantities of greenbacks keep this lot, just dont let them near any nukes or father-of-all-bombs.

For those (including you Mr.Chef) who are sniggering at the prospect of Ulyanovsk(ian) women - do browse to (31, School Teacher, 5'6", Likes Skiing........)

DISCLAIMER: You click the photo / link entirely at your own risk - I have merely pulled this off google for purposes of demonstration ONLY!

Rigtht then, cheers all, I am off to book a flight to Ulyanovsk (wonder what that means in Sanskrit?)

technorati tags:russia, sex, ratio, brahmos, women, hot

Blogged with Flock

The fine art of communication.....

...has been lost. and no I do not mean disappeared, just awol. One would expect that with the electronic age (encompassing the Telegraph, Wireless, Telephone, the Internet and Mobile Telephony) distances have narrowed and with the proliferation of the Brit.Empire / Illegal Immigration, a common language is used.. but no. what has really happened is that the good old form(s) of communication i.e. speech (and gestures with due credit to Italians') seem to have disappeared - I, of course hold the telegraph (and more particularly Morse) responsible. Sentences, punctuation, and god forbid... complete words WITH vowels!!! consider this case:

Circa 1990 - A gets to know of B. A contact is initiated over assorted (handwritten?) missives. A and B meet over coffee / Bourbon and have a face to face conversation. Follow up with more such rendezvous.

Flash Forward: Circa noughties. A and B Initiate contact over the Internet in a language which looks like the Ebola virus has been through Morse code.
e.g.
Joker: H. Hw r u? Nice profile. Wht u doing? wanna be friendship? (that btw is a real quote from a friend's scrapbook)
Counter party: huh?

Get a life and get a frickin English (or whatever language you do speak in) tutor! Really, you have Internet access, navigate to the "Free" English language course from the Beeb. If you are too lazy to do that, some help for men is available here, courtesy a regular at Craigs, and for women some interesting stuff is here. Else when there is a law against subjecting regular folk to such linguistic torture.. then we shall see who's laughing, HAH!

However, to introduce the real world scenario... here are a few tips ..free of charge .so pay attention you lot.

1. The best form of communication is listening. And I don't mean hearing - I do mean listening. This means paying attention to the other party's tone, gestures, body language - superimposed with some contextual familiarity (if you have none.. you have obviously met said counterparty off the internet in which case you are about get what you deserve for your stupidity - needless to say communicaton in THAT scenario will be somewhat onesided - -"Help! Help" AAAAARRRRRGH....."). I am assuming this is a face to face "conversation" not a face-to-window or a face-to-door or even a face-to-cellphone conversation!
2. Which brings me to the next point. It helps if you look "at" the person you are talking to - this implies you are talking to them. If you don't, ...its just plain rude (also are not really "listening"). Do note that lending your ear (aka Marc A. in Julius Ceaser) DOES NOT involve turning your head as well (there are certain exceptions to this directive - those do not involve speach).
   
3. Humour. No one likes depressed people and unless you are a good friend, you are avoidable. So be lively - slowly the homicidal rage will dissipate..... eventually. Ever heard of a 100 page funny story outside of Douglas Adams? I think not. This is the key - brevity is the soul of wit.
4. Clear writing <=> clear speaking <=> great listening <=> great thinking. Write now and then - it doesn't have to be blogged or ever published. But it does help clear thoughts (this does not apply to serial killers, pathological criminals and politicians - its not a good idea to pile stones if one lives in a glass house).
   
5. Talk (read converse, communicate, exchange ideas, indulge in verbal intercourse etc etc). I don't mean scream and shout and rant. Just talk....a lot helps. Most people are not endowed with ESP and mostly cant read minds. So if you need something or have a resentment or are pissed or even expect something, talk; speak up and be heard. And did I mention that looking directly at the counter party while talking sort of conveys the impression that you are talking to them?? And yes.. honesty helps too!
   
6. Language is important. Your (english) language teacher left some important stuff (like golf) to spend time and teach you some stuff... lets be kind to their memory and use some of the stuff. Parents / government (which translates to tax paying parents) spent good money here...put it to good use!
   
7. Now for some donts. Don't text (SMS) people. Call them. If they are busy, they will either not answer your call (might even call back if you have "communicated" well) or they will have a conversation or tell you they will call back. ooh the joys of instant response ;-) Ofcourse, professionally, SMS/Text is ..well.. professional suicide. Other fringe benefits of not texting include a) RSI prevention b) improved speech c) cost savings (d) 2 minute conversation can easily replace 15 messages e) if you do own telecom stock, encourage others to talk!
   
8. The above does not apply to single women I know.

Right then, so much for the rant (rave?). I am off to plan my day. Happy communicating all....

Word of the post: errorist.
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Now playing: Bryan Adams - The Only Good Thing That Looks Good on Me Is You
via FoxyTunes