The fine art of communication.....

...has been lost. and no I do not mean disappeared, just awol. One would expect that with the electronic age (encompassing the Telegraph, Wireless, Telephone, the Internet and Mobile Telephony) distances have narrowed and with the proliferation of the Brit.Empire / Illegal Immigration, a common language is used.. but no. what has really happened is that the good old form(s) of communication i.e. speech (and gestures with due credit to Italians') seem to have disappeared - I, of course hold the telegraph (and more particularly Morse) responsible. Sentences, punctuation, and god forbid... complete words WITH vowels!!! consider this case:

Circa 1990 - A gets to know of B. A contact is initiated over assorted (handwritten?) missives. A and B meet over coffee / Bourbon and have a face to face conversation. Follow up with more such rendezvous.

Flash Forward: Circa noughties. A and B Initiate contact over the Internet in a language which looks like the Ebola virus has been through Morse code.
e.g.
Joker: H. Hw r u? Nice profile. Wht u doing? wanna be friendship? (that btw is a real quote from a friend's scrapbook)
Counter party: huh?

Get a life and get a frickin English (or whatever language you do speak in) tutor! Really, you have Internet access, navigate to the "Free" English language course from the Beeb. If you are too lazy to do that, some help for men is available here, courtesy a regular at Craigs, and for women some interesting stuff is here. Else when there is a law against subjecting regular folk to such linguistic torture.. then we shall see who's laughing, HAH!

However, to introduce the real world scenario... here are a few tips ..free of charge .so pay attention you lot.

1. The best form of communication is listening. And I don't mean hearing - I do mean listening. This means paying attention to the other party's tone, gestures, body language - superimposed with some contextual familiarity (if you have none.. you have obviously met said counterparty off the internet in which case you are about get what you deserve for your stupidity - needless to say communicaton in THAT scenario will be somewhat onesided - -"Help! Help" AAAAARRRRRGH....."). I am assuming this is a face to face "conversation" not a face-to-window or a face-to-door or even a face-to-cellphone conversation!
2. Which brings me to the next point. It helps if you look "at" the person you are talking to - this implies you are talking to them. If you don't, ...its just plain rude (also are not really "listening"). Do note that lending your ear (aka Marc A. in Julius Ceaser) DOES NOT involve turning your head as well (there are certain exceptions to this directive - those do not involve speach).
   
3. Humour. No one likes depressed people and unless you are a good friend, you are avoidable. So be lively - slowly the homicidal rage will dissipate..... eventually. Ever heard of a 100 page funny story outside of Douglas Adams? I think not. This is the key - brevity is the soul of wit.
4. Clear writing <=> clear speaking <=> great listening <=> great thinking. Write now and then - it doesn't have to be blogged or ever published. But it does help clear thoughts (this does not apply to serial killers, pathological criminals and politicians - its not a good idea to pile stones if one lives in a glass house).
   
5. Talk (read converse, communicate, exchange ideas, indulge in verbal intercourse etc etc). I don't mean scream and shout and rant. Just talk....a lot helps. Most people are not endowed with ESP and mostly cant read minds. So if you need something or have a resentment or are pissed or even expect something, talk; speak up and be heard. And did I mention that looking directly at the counter party while talking sort of conveys the impression that you are talking to them?? And yes.. honesty helps too!
   
6. Language is important. Your (english) language teacher left some important stuff (like golf) to spend time and teach you some stuff... lets be kind to their memory and use some of the stuff. Parents / government (which translates to tax paying parents) spent good money here...put it to good use!
   
7. Now for some donts. Don't text (SMS) people. Call them. If they are busy, they will either not answer your call (might even call back if you have "communicated" well) or they will have a conversation or tell you they will call back. ooh the joys of instant response ;-) Ofcourse, professionally, SMS/Text is ..well.. professional suicide. Other fringe benefits of not texting include a) RSI prevention b) improved speech c) cost savings (d) 2 minute conversation can easily replace 15 messages e) if you do own telecom stock, encourage others to talk!
   
8. The above does not apply to single women I know.

Right then, so much for the rant (rave?). I am off to plan my day. Happy communicating all....

Word of the post: errorist.
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Now playing: Bryan Adams - The Only Good Thing That Looks Good on Me Is You
via FoxyTunes