Scenario 4 ...it is just plain rude!

So another weekend and another evening out. However one has been awakened from the slumber by a rather early call from the Dell folks. This time the reason was a cracked Bezel (direct result of an earlier service request) - but they have been prompt in replacing a part on a machine which isn’t sold in India (I bought this in the UK). So now I have a 2.5 year old machine with a new "top" i.e. the laptop's base is old. But all closed satisfactorily - screen fixed, cover replaced and the machine works fine.

The same can’t be said about technology though - and I have missed breakfast - so cannot be sedate about the whole thing. Technology is failing us on a a regular basis and we remain mute spectators to the takeover of the human race by silica (in all forms) and metal ;-) And this problem seems to be confined to various circuit boards (with add ons i.e. communication devices) whose masters are between the ages 31 and 33 .. Oh and female.

The problem itself can be defined as the Technology Bermuda i.e. ASSSOCIATED with the "triangle" and not the "shorts" - whatever passes at one end does not necessarily emerge at the other (or not in the same form at least). Main symptom being messages (in the form of calls / text over the cell phone/email / anti“social” networking etc etc) just seem to vanish in transit. Now I know these folk and they are rather stable, conscientious people with a high level of integrity (most of the time) and honesty (albeit self confessed) and cute, so they must have missed the message due to some electronic gremlin.

Now there could be several reasons for this -and I am guessing that no physics wizard has as yet managed to slow the flow of electrons / radio waves so communication sent over the wires and airwaves are pretty much instantaneously delivered. -The cause of this can be alcohol. Scenario one: message flashed - sender identified - adrenalin rushes - hands tremble - cell phone (the said slavish printed circuit board) dropped into a glass of martini - master (or mistress in proper English) mostly shaken and stirred - cell phone dead - message lost - ... forever.

This is a hardware issue...

Another scenario is a fancy phone... mistress being popular several messages clog the mailbox - said mistress then proceeds to chop chop... being an imperfect device (as opposed to the master mistress who is perfect) hangs beyond a point - mistress, already too hot to handle, blows several gaskets...attacks the "red button" with the ferocity of a she tigress who has just caught a "jackass" eyeing her "puppies".. Undesirable message + several desirable ones (presumably) are consigned to eternal damnation of the trash bin!

This is a software issue.....

Scenario three is mischief - virus (much like the A15 common cold virus) causes selective amnesia in the slave phone AND the mistress. Arrival of said message (in form of ringing / beeping) prompts a rather long and detailed query regarding the origination / originator of said missive. This is usually accompanied by an alcohol fuelled statement represented by "Who?". In cases of extreme familiarity the word is downgraded to a sound "Hmmm..." followed by suitable filing procedure (this is mental – pun?).

This is a malware issue....and the plot thickens. :::

So I say – off to finishing school with the device! Alternatively - shoot the messenger! Thus delightfully enlightened, I am off to be a part of other peoples plans..This new year there isn’t going to be any Baga or Bali.. But there are things to meet and people to do...

Ciao Ciao

Z

One for the Road

This one was left behind.. it was a picturesque "Cantina Dos Alfonsos" or the Canteen of the Alfonsos. Which is supposed to serve food and other provisions. Alas the only thing this one served was disappointment in all departments except Architecture and Asthetics. The Guesthouse attached looked very promising and its located right next to St Sebastian's. So if church bells are your thing, this would be a great place to stay - about a 10 min walk to Our Lady Church and Panjim; A short ride to Velha (or old) Goa, and generally a great place to be.

Medimix is the New Lifebuoy (Pronounced Life-Boy)

So 2 months capped in Bombay with a rather nice trip to the cool capital of India, Goa. In the interim, the journey has taken me through "Hotel Heavens" (nothing could be a bigger misnormer - the place is a dump and seems to believe that "Medimix" is an essential part of the Heavenly experience). More to the point, this is located inside an export processing zone (government's wisdom of disseminating largess). What this means is that the place dies by 2200 hrs and if one were to step out of the 12X14 hotel room, one may get shot.
Next stop was "Ashoke Delux Apartments" whose claim to fame was a canteen which served oily food. Other than that there was poor access to the place, internet and other amenities...but it was an apartment so one could drink in peace. The next stop (i.e. the third change in one month) was Lake H. i.e the company guest house - which is a collection of some 10 apartments which serve as transit acco for people. Nice place, food is great but god help you if you like a random midnight snack!! The main reason being that the company's trust level vis-a-vis its minions is the same as the love and affection between Narendra Modi and Sonia Gandhi. net result - keys are with the caretaker ironically names "Ramsevak" (loosely translated Servant of (a) God) - sample pics of the "Den" are as below - a 360 degree view:

Room by the lake

So currently one is parked in this den, where the Internet is limited but the food is great - if rather homely. The local crowd isnt very pleasing but then living out of a suitcase (Sideways - don't get any ideas re: suitcase and elantra) has its advantages - d0nt need to be polite to immediate neighbours!
So anyway, the second month in Bombay was capped off with a rather spiffy trip to Goa. The place of lodging was Panjim Inn, Fontaihas, Panjim, Goa. To give a background, this part of Goa has been preserved as a live heritage site, complete with a resident community, brilliant, traditional homes and a quaint little church, St.Sebastian's, to complete the picture. Unfortunately no camera was taken. This turned out to be a good thing as there was no pressure to take "Patel Snaps" and no tourist agenda. Life slowed, we unwound, and had a great time in the process. Day one was lovely..after a rather delayed "Spice"Jet, landed in warm Goa for the 30 min cab ride to the Inn. Relaxed with some sandwiches ( ;-) ) and then headed out to town, which turned out to be a walk..en route discovered a lovely restaurant ( i forget the name but its close to the Patto Bridge on Ourem Road otherwise known as the 31st January Road - btw this place also has an 18th June road.. what next? 9th January Road??? I know of one individual who would be rather pleased with that!). Dinner at this place was great (Caramel Custard didn't pass muster..neither did the cheese sandwich from the hotel) - I ordered some Goan, and then proceeded to guzzle 2 cubes of butter, much to the horror of present company... before that some alcohol was purchased so after dinner, the party moved to the Inn. Which had all the ingredients.... Wi....e, Wo..an, So..g.. and what a blast!
So the next day dawned and a short walk into town (on sunday) convinced us that that was a waste of time... even the art deco place attached to the hotel was closed. But, in the evening, one Nos. Scooter was organised for the customary trip to Baga - the name synonymous with Partying! The scooter ride was great - cool, with cool people - reached Brittos and parked next door at Oceanic where the music was great. En route, picked up some food at ....... (reader please fill in in comments).. The location was brilliant! Sea side (i.e. beach), a table, some mom-batti, a well mixed whiskey, some decent music and an advancing tide! After a bit this prompted the change to another venue (We were looking for a dancing, music, place) but alas, after turning off at the Calypso, we found one deserted beach shack after another... and therefore settled down to a quiet evening with drinks, the sea, the waves and some music. Highpoint of the evening was when present company ordered some tea and Naan! His expression was priceless! At some point, the night unwound, and the trip back was as nice... fond memories of the carefree days relived etc. Night caught up..

Fontainhas, Panjim, Goa

unfortunately the morning came rather early in the form of one WES (people have nothing better to call up holidaying people at 0800!!) and Naik II, the scooter vendor coming to collect his able steed..! So breakfast at the Inn followed by a quiet stroll in the city and eventually lunch and sleep at the INN... evening being reserved for dinner at Fidalgo Mirch Masala - a very touristy place with average food..but the evening was good, strolling around Panjim (Inn), forward, backward, sideways....and then the Midnight Mass at St.Sebastian's - which was rather disappointing as the service was average and the resident priests did not touch upon any of the contemporary issues other than a passing reference to the commercialisation of Christmas (he objected to Santa Clause) and the general atmosphere of hatred across the world. So the night capped off with a well deserved sleep and the morning, as usual, started off with a bang! But then checkout time came swiftly upon us, prompting a rapid exit towards mandovi hotel... where, the cheese sandwich didn't pass muster, so toast was ordered, and the cheese transferred to the toast... as a result I overate - but, as the food settled in, and conversation flowed, the traffic noise drifted into the distance and time flew..and it was time to say bye to beautiful Goa.. The return trip was great.

Till next time......

Footnote: The new loudspeaker is the cellphone!

9 Words Women use - And some....

9 WORDS WOMEN USE

(1) Fine:This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up. Even if you are right, you'd better shut up or its going to cost you: materially or otherwise.

(2) Five Minutes:If she is getting dressed, this means a half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house. Also this is when a game of Russian Roulette starts to look increasingly attractive.

(3) Nothing:This is the calm before the storm. This means something, and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with nothing usually end in fine. This also means that there is trouble in paradise - best get a coat and step out to the pub  - the beer will lessen the pain which is sure to follow.

(4) Go Ahead:This is a dare, not permission. Don't Do It! Or you should actually do it, it isnt like a russian roulette, more like standing in front of a cannon and then lighting the fuse.

(5) Loud Sigh:This is actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you about nothing. (Refer back to # 3 for the meaning of nothing.). At this point you should also sigh - this will buy you time as it will confuse the hell out of her as to why you are sighing; meanwhile you can run through the list of potential misdeeds and narrow down to the most likely 3.

(6) That's Okay:This is one of the most dangerous statements a women can make to a man. That's okay means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake - and the longer the thinking, the more devilish the retribution (and yes I do mean the co...)

(7) Thanks:A woman is thanking you, do not question, or Faint. Just say you're welcome. (I want to add in a clause here - This is true, unless she says "Thanks a lot" - that is PURE sarcasm and she is not thanking you at all. DO NOT say "you're welcome" ... that will bring on a "whatever"). Thanks so much is fake - it is merely an attempt to appear nice so you (the said idiot) can be touched up for further favours.

(8) Whatever:Is a women's way of saying F**K<http:///> YOU! Extension would be do whatever the F*&$# you want. One bloke misinterpreted this and ended up putting his beloved on the market - refer to the souped up Nissan in one of the earlier posts.

(9) Don't worry about it, I got it:Another dangerous statement, meaning this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but is now doing it herself. This will later result in a man asking "What's wrong?" For the woman's response refer to # 3. When a man says this - you can be rest assured its already been done and the counterparty need not bother - this statement, with regards to men, is largely associated with things technical or mechanical or, in some cases, financial.

Please note that even if you internalise all this, it will most likely not help you. The googly is association of past misdeeds with the current one i.e. equating veggie shopping (or lack thereof) with premium unleded for her car....

The only solution: be a man about it and take it on the chin .. Girls, give up. It aint getting any better.
Cheers

Love chatting? Your online suitor could be a comp

Love chatting? Your online suitor could be a comp
Now this is hilarious - not the mere fact that the humble Eliza style chatbot has evolved, that its flirting. I suspect this is evolution in its true form - largely stemming from women disappointment in men - so a machine steps in! Emperical proof - men are loosers - ever heard of any woman, whatever quality, called a looser? Even in countries with an adverse (ha ha - what a poor choice of words) sex ratio! Now the article goes on to say that the programme can chat up upto 10 women at a time without any one realising that that's a machine.. this is truly evolution - can you show me one guy who can chat  up 10 women, even serially, successfully? No you cant!
i also suspect that the women, subconsciously, THEY KNOW! They just want to feel they are in the company of the perfect man!
However this bodes ill for the menfolk... lets see.. all porn for men, all sex toys for women therefore, men are satisfied with porn and women are satisfied by rabbits of various hues ;-).. now just imagine the chatbot is merged with a rabbit..... Shudder Shudder... (The words love and machine take on a whole new meaning here!)
So on that scary  note and the fact that some blokes were shot dead a few hundred meters from my current residence, I am off to make amends and, hopefully, put a couple of rabbits out of employment.

Cheers all

Parting Shot

The only way to get rid of a temptation is to yield to it....Oscar Wilde

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Voice Disabled Human

Right so Friday is here--- unfortunately not for the United States which means that being a subordinate super power (1bn people ostensible qualify us), we now have to wait till 1830 hrs to talk to "Them". But all for the glory of God Corporate   - we shall wait and sacrifice quality drinking time, which, at the time would be productively spent hanging about in the traffic (en-route to the Pub) But all is not lost … unless you count my voice – which seems to have a mind of its own.  What I thought was a cold coming on, turned out to be a case of Laryngitis. Now this is necessarily a bad thing when one has a point to put across –unless one is Italian in which case you are born with the knowledge of sign language. In that case, simply gesturing will do. Otherwise it's a major pain..can't even have a decent verbal duel with .. well anyone who doesn't know the morse code (though at this point I probably sound like the Morse Toad – Dit Dot Croak…Dot Dit Croak or something which sounds close).

However, loss of (comprehensible) voice isn't half as bad as the loss of the rare weekend pleasures (and no, I do not refer to real pleasures – merely the chemical induced alteration of reality i.e. Beer) – from the looks of it there wont be any serious drinking happening either. So to recap – can't shout, can't talk (tried but the morse code went out of the main stream with the advent of the telegraph, cant drink (permaloss of voice is not a good thing   - all that articulation down the drain), so I have decided to watch….movies. Several of them… even B and C grade ones in me repertoire…TV series… anything that has moving people in it. … also there is the Christmas weekend to plan…so rest is desirable.. Goa is great at this time… even though there are complications to handle….it should be fun…hopefully voice enabled….

At this point one would launch into a soliloquy but it would merely sound like a … well.. croak..

 

Or maybe there are other activities which do not require making comprehensible noises.. ;-)

 

 

Eventful Day(s)!!

Well for one there are two posts today... and for second, my exercise routine seems to be a bit over the top...involuntarily! Last night I restarted the running (princily distance of 3kms - to be verified)


View Larger Map

So anyway the running aside, the guesthouse internet connection proved to be a boon... my webcam, mic and assorted internet communication devices are in action and I get served quality tilk (this is tea with milk) at 2330 hrs :-)
The downside is what I experienced this morning - to get breakfast one had to climb up 20 floors (and then down 20 floors) - reliance energy deciding to play spoilsport early in the morning (this also kind of defeats the whole purpose of being in this city. Evening was uneventful - run @ 8, Dinner @ 9, and at 10 figured that friend had kissed the wrong end of a Truck, while friend's car was worse for the wear, friend's nose was OK (for the time being).

Nothing quite like a spot of disagreement in the evening eh? Unfortunately, the cup of tea is half full, as is the glass... no bar tender(ess?)around to refill... so I shall sign off. Tomorrow is a very light day (this is a good thing - I am planning to do nothing but plan for the Sunday run and the Saturday work drinks)....

Parting Shot...

"If sex doesn't scare the cat, you're not doing it right." (Anonymous)

Enjoy!

Life and Times at Social Networking

Social networking is a great thing and I have managed to connect with buddies (drinking or otherwise) through these contraptions(sic). While I agree that "age" mellows… postings like the one below lead me to strongly suspect that it's the significant other who is the real power behind the post. But, some of my "friends" are feeling a tad low and certainly need a leg up in a manner of speaking hence this post serves a dual purpose.

 

This is should probably be taped to your bathroom mirror where one could read it everyday.

 

1. There are at least two people in this world that you would die for.
2. At least 15 people in this world love you in some way.
3. The only reason anyone would ever hate you is because they want to be just like you.
4. A smile from you can bring happiness to anyone, even if they don't like you.
5. Every night, SOMEONE thinks about you before they go to sleep.
6. You mean the world to someone.
7. You are special and unique.
8. Someone that you don't even know exists loves you.
9. When you make the biggest mistake ever, something good comes from it.
10. When you think the world has turned its back on you take another look.
11. Always remember the compliments you received. Forget about the rude remarks.
 

And just when one was beginning to loose hope in the tenacity of human (drinking) kind.. this follows:

'Whenever God Closes One Door He Always Opens Another, Even Though Sometimes It's Hell in the Hallway' -take a hard left and proceed quickly to the Kitchen enroute to the Bedroom, TV and PC Room.

I would rather have one rose and a kind word from a friend while I'm here than a whole truck load when I'm gone. This one is obviously for the Girls - for blokes, replace rose with [insert preferred poison here].
 

Good friends are like stars.......though sometimes you need to be bonked on the head to see them.

 

When you see a glass half empty...ask the bartender for another round!
 

And always remember....when life hands you Lemons, ask for tequila and salt, and call me over!
 

So people, the key to happiness is a) reading points 1 through X in the morning and b) make friends with the bartender in the evening ;-)

Cheers all

Z

"It often happens that a player carries out a deep and complicated calculation, but fails to spot something elementary right at the first move." -- grandmaster Alexander Kotov --inscribed on gift chess sets given by Amaranth hedge fund.

P.S. RETURN TO SENDER 
Do you know the phrase 'stop and smell the flowers'?  They smell better when you stop to mix them with candlelight, food and Remy Martin Fine Champge Cognac.

 

w00t!

That isnt quite how I feel at the moment... just went for a 3k run, have a cold coming on and basically feel wiped out! However, websters has decided to add numbers to letters for word compositions... yes w00t is spelled with 2 zeros! lament lament etc... but all said and done, I do feel we need to speak in ones and zeros ..just so we can communicate better with machines (thankfully one particular friend has given up the "texting" habit - unfortunately not replaced it with anything). Dear friend - please to be noting.
Further to ones ongoing battle to get people to look at me (no, I am not particularly distasteful).. Psychology Today has a cultural perspective on the whole thing. .. why japs emphasise their emoticons...Compare :-) with (^_^) and :-( with (;_;) - we learn a new thing every day. Do note the empnasis on the eyes..
Now I am being disturbed for random investment advice.. however the seeker of advice is current flatmate hence need to go. More later.

Adios Amigos..

Old order changeth,.... somewhat...

Well, after a month being (re)located in the Fynancyal (yes this city seems to have a serious case of corrupting names... ) capital, life is a tad slow. Now dont get me wrong, its rather comfortable, work is a 10 minute walk away ... office hours are good, even the work is tolerable (for the time being).. but the living situation is rather ...slow. The guesthouse is a 3rd floor flat. Air conditioning, 2 rooms, 3 TV's (differnt sizes), 2 remotes for the same (WTF??!?!) and for appliances, one Iron, one board, one refrigerator, one "fuzzy logic" washing machine (its a relief being away from the "power" laundrettes whose sole objective in life seems to be to convince one to get a new wardrobe)...
Now work.. excellent .. somewhat... the office has this bevy of youngsters.. spaced out (having worked Australia Time in India)..managers.. strained from battling Tech Support/ Admin and other animals inhabiting the corporate jungle... and yours truly... teaching all Derivatives (yes thats the kind of finance I do)
Now the other issue with this location (which btw is a more organised concrete jungle ..at best), is the location. It isnt really bombay (you dont get compressed en route to work)...therefore getting away is another issue - requires multimodal transportation - a TukTuk (alternatively known simply as an "Auto") - a WWII vintage Cab and possibly the Train. What goes for a train would put PoW camps to shame.. if one survices the biological assault (thic comes in variants, bacteria(usually found on the l load, aromas (not really, and zoombies (violent ones... found on all parts of the 1945 Virar "Fast" - fast being relative ...to a buillock cart)
However, drinking is good though prohibitively expensive... one colleague blew 12k (or about £150) on a drinking session for 2.
On the positive side - the trip back erstwhile home was great - one got to see the blue sky and indulge in pleasurable activities ;-) imbibe somewhat copious quantities of alcohol (absolutely necessary on the weekend) - discovered a variant on a prop. cocktail recepie (highly appreciated by the co-imbiber).
But... the internet is acting up.. so shall stop the tirade here. More shall come later (mostly because Google gives free space and readers cannot complain). So I shall sign off and wait for my sense of humour to return before I write. You all be good... hopefully not too good ;-)
Cheers!