To be or not to be...thats not really a question on Facebook!

So Facebook is the boon and the bane of ones modern existence. Interestingly enough folks will add all sorts of random folk as their 'Facebook friends' thereby increasing a virtual friends-who-crash-the-party circle! Actually it's not that bad - have managed to get in touch with long lost friends and consequently have open invites to visit them in Hawaii, Casablanca, HK, Melbourne, Jo'Burg etc.

Naturally, some private life becomes public - just how public is determined by the follow Q&A (game??!?) that came through my mailbox - read on as it asks a series of interesting questions and probably answers....

1. Kissed anyone one of your Facebook friends? Yes but I don't want either of them to know about the other ;-)
2. Been arrested? Define arrested
3. Kissed someone you didn't like? Before or after the beer goggles?
4. Slept in until 5 PM? Alone?
5. Fallen asleep at work? Monday mornings between arrival and 4 PM
6. Held a snake? (Include all undesirable girlfriends, who, hopefully are 'ex')
7. Ran a red light? Always, unless there is a cop in sight - even ran a whole red light district once
8. Been suspended from school? Like you haven't ??!?!?
9. Totalled your car/motorbike in an accident? Did you total some one else's Bike/Car? Are they still your friend? Are you in hiding?
10. Been fired from a job? This is a highly insensitive question in today's environment. It should read 'have you no shame'?
11. Done something you told yourself you wouldn't? For answer see No.6
12. Laughed until something you were drinking came out your nose? Alternatively - do you crack jokes early in the morning (instead of smiling at the co-sleeper) - Do you think Bed tea and being your usual funny self is a bad idea?
13. Caught a snowflake on your tongue? And do you know your tongue has other uses?
14. Kissed in the rain? Ha ha - how many women have you know who say they hate to get wet???!@?!?
15. Sang in the shower? Yes - ask the neighbours and the (ex)girlfriend(s).
16. Sat on a rooftop? Yes and ran on one as well - have a permanent limp to prove it! Though the 'slope' of the roof has certain advantages! Get your mind out of the gutter Al, I am talking about looking at the sky and the scenery while lying on a mattress on top of the school roof!
17. Been pushed into a pool with all your clothes? Can only remember the hypothermia ;-)
18. Broken a bone? 11+ and you?
19. Shaved your head? er. That may not be required any more...
20. Blacked out from drinking? Can't remember...
21. Played a prank on someone? Yes but I deny it!
22. Felt like killing someone? I could make a list though {insert current object of affection} would figure prominently...
23. Made your girlfriend cry? It was not me - it was you!
24. Had Mexican jumping beans for pets? Had a turtle once - he escaped into a freshly dug garden pond...said pond did not go down well with the aunt in whose erstwhile lawn .......
25. Been in a band? YES
26. Shot a gun? Sort of ...
27. Tripped on mushrooms? Say No to Drugs!
28. Donated Blood? Yes! Yes! though the frequency may have something to do with pub crawls..
29. Eaten alligator meat? No - but I have no idea what the villagers at Sire Pub were referring to when they served 'Game Platter'
30. Eaten cheesecake? er...yes? Whats your point?
31. Still love someone you shouldn't? ;-)
32. Think about the future? There isn't one - drink now and party tonight! Also the bank is going to sink your savings and the government will get whats left..
33. Believe in love? Could you specify who with? Let's see...
34. Sleep on a certain side of the bed? YES
35. Been in more than 5 countries? YES
36. Shoplifted something? Does dragging a girlfriend out involuntarily qualify?
37. Coloured your hair? What hair?
38. Been Skydiving? No but would like to have the pleasure of pushing someone else off a plane..or a cliff with no reciprocal arrangement ;-)
39. Live with your parents? Not often...
40. Still have all your original organs? I do!
41. Swam with sea turtles? Nope - but just to keep up with the work life, tried a swim with sting rays and sharks.
42. Played Doctor? Ha - yes and oooh that Min... Though I am sure it would be more fun now ;-) al?
43. Been to Washington DC? Why do you ask? and I deny it....
44. Been to Disney? No - but I once dated a woman who was almost as large (and as shapely - this is the problem with the third pint and dimly lit bars) as Mickey.
45. Like Beer? See 44
46. Been on a scary place? Yes - you been in a relationship? Or had a wife?
47. Taken a dare? Yes - I dare you to complete this and post it on facebook..And have your significant other comment ...and survive the trip home!
48. Still have your wisdom teeth? I think it is unfair to put wisdom and teeth in the same sentence.....or the same person
49. Been to a concert? Yes and what a waste!
50. Lied for a good reason? I lie without reason! See No.4
51. Been to a nude beach? No but been to a nude and a beach...
52. Driven a boat? Piloted - the word is piloted. And yes - it was inflatable, with a small outboard and it was in Africa - the Dar-es-salaam yacht club! Happy??!?!?
53. Been to the top of Eiffel tower? Why should I tell you? And how is it relevant? Do you have suicidal tendencies?
54. Have a best friend? Yes - several. I discover them between the 4th and the 5th drink. They dish out good relationship advice and pass out before I do.....

Enjoy!

Romancing the Credit Crunch

I do not wish to romance the credit crunch but what I refer to is romancing during the credit crunch and several advantages therein. So lets take our hypothetical individual who is single in the thirties (the folks in their twenties aren't really relevant), and is en route to romantic bliss. Unknown to said individual, the US Congress votes against a $700 billion bailout (read public fund profligacy) and the credit crisis, recession, financial bloodbath becomes more apparent…. And lo and behold, there is another reason to loose sleep. So SI (Said Individual / Semi Intelligent at this point) starts to fret – look after the job, look after movies, dinners, dancing, scrabble, and so forth. I say fear not – you would still be doing all of those whether or not there was a crunch!

During a credit crunch, there are advantages – no work. Or mostly no expectations from work both for yourself as well as your employers. You get to keep regular hours in your home time zone – get out in the evenings.

In addition you have saved time. How? Lets see:

1. You cant browse job sites looking for a BBD (bugger the better deal) – there are no jobs out there. If your HR finds out they will replace you with a younger, better looking (the cute number the XXX Manager has the hots for), at ½ pay! Time saved 3 hours
2. General Web Surfing is down to 1 hour a day. This is mostly because news is repeated and yesterdays news (bank crashed), is today's news (bank crashed) is tomorrow's news (oh dear!). Time saved 3 Hours!
3. You cant faff – while at work you need to look busy. This involves rushing about the office with a clip board. Ruffled hair included. Rushing shaves off 2 hrs spent travelling between different desks trying to plug into the office grape vine.
4. Lunch - 10 minutes. See above looking busy. Also credit crunch involves the office caterer increasing the price of food (currently running at YoY inflation of about 80%) AND reducing the portions not to mention cheaper ingredients (the food begins to resemble and smell like my car's engine – I dont have a car but if I did have one it would smell quite close to the cafeteria food). You will however have the customary plate of boiled rice (to demonstrate austerity while enjoying pork chops, pepper salami and some beer on the side). This takes 10 minutes while saving you an hour.
5. You need to leave early – out of sight is also out of mind. HR systems are useless, performance pay doesn't matter hence if the target is missing, the target is missed. Ideally leave exactly 7.5 hours (in case the access cards work). Time saved - unlimited.

Time Saved – 9+hours

So (this might be news to some of my fellow bankers), there is a daily reset on time i.e. all that time you have saved (9+x hrs) needs to be used or else it lapses and, lo and behold, another day begins!!

So… the consumption of time:

1. 1. Travel to girlfriend’s = 1.5 hours. This involves searching for transport, taking one, getting stuck in 2 traffic jams and recovery from the travel. This is Bombay and your mode of travel is immaterial.
2. 2½ hour to express oneself – this is important for self and counterparty even if you have mentioned it several times during the day. Include 10 minutes of awkward silence etc.
3. 3. One hour to walk to evening's destination including more of point 2.
4. 4. 3 Hours (minimum) at said destination to do more of 2 – somehow this will not sound repetitive. After a few drinks knees will feel weak ... from lack of food - see earlier point 4 – might be a good idea to eat at this point.
5. 5. One more hour to walk to destination 2 - this is coffee and conversations (or a lot can happen over a cup of coffee depending on the brew outlet self and womanly predisposition).
6. 6. One Hour at said coffee joint (SCJ).
7. 7. ½ hour to walk XX to said XX's destination – include more point 2.
8. 8. 45 minutes to get back – with said XX if possible.
9. 9. 45 minutes to fondly reflect on the evening, punctuated by messages exchanged with said XX.

Time Used: 10 hrs!

Congratulations –by now you have extended your day by an Hour! Made up by leaving office early!! So find an XX and enjoy the credit crunch!

Cheers!!