Selective Mutism

There are times in life when one gets tongue tied - classic examples being hand-in -the-cookie-jar (one can only assume you have a conscience) or when the object of your desire (a.k.a. the stalkee; you being the stalker) suddenly decides to materialise at your doorstep. There may even be a general tendency to temporarily loose speech when a rather hot member of the fair sex (or same sex - lets be absolutely politically correct) decides to ask you for directions (and Mr. / Ms. GPA 4.0 a.k.a. maths wizard(ess) turns into a blithering idiot with a voice impediment) - general conversation goes -

HB: Hi, would you know the way to XXXbar
BI: (wheeze)......... (heavy breathing).........
HB: Are you all right?
BI: Er...yes....
HB: Well do you know the way?
BI: (loosely translated)
HB: (flustered).. eh.. ahem... [exit]
BI:(kicks self + yanks out remaining hair in tufts)

Note: HB = Hot Babe BI= Blithering Idiot a.k.a. Dr.Mathematics

well you get the picture - and this is not restricted to Men - there are enough women who are prolific letter writers but cant talk to save their lives! (Sounds fantastic - sadly it is very true...).
If you suffer from involuntary lack of speech there is some good news and some bad news: the bad news is - the "illness" is debatable (as in the shrinks are still debating the classification), and therefore there is no cure. So unless someone can translate "bub-haaaaaaaa-iiiiiiiiiiiiit-theeeeeeeee", your singlehood will continue - indefinately; please look to the internet for communication.
The good news is they are working on a cure and they have progressed to naming it - Selective Mutism.
However, the million dollar question is: isnt there a cure already? I can save a lot of research institutes a lot of money as there is general consensus - vodka releases the tongue. The cure works like this:

BI: bub-haaaaaaaa-iiiiiiiiiiiiit-theeeeeeeee
HB: Vodka
BI: yes yes
HB: Another?
BI: Yes Yes
(miraculous transformatio: After 2 Vodkas BI => Dude, or at least to HB who by this time is desperately looking fro some saving grace in Dude)
HB: (breaking ice) So what do you do?
Dude (formerly BI): I would tell you but you wouldn't understand
HB: {SPLASH} {Vodka and BI face merge}
Exit HB followed by Dude (aka cured BI)

So in case you suffer from SM, take heart, cure is at hand ( I recommend Absolut Citrus).
Till later....